Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Lonely

I'm sure my neighbors heard the sad cries of "Why am I alone?" last night. It was eerily quiet in my apartment (as it always is when V isn't here). I'm on my period & depressed. A winning combination. Perfect mixture to feel sorry for yourself & sob uncontrollably. I feel like I set myself back light years emotionally. I did, however, force myself to sleep in my bed. I sleep on my love seat every night. Jackass doesn't want to sleep in a bed alone. Finally, I forced myself to just sleep in there. So I'm alone. Suck it up. Put on your big girl panties & go to bed, right? It's truly pathetic. It wasn't so bad. Might force myself to do it every night. The horror!
The not dating is just dandy. Actually, it sucks a dick. Not like I have any other choice anyway. Might as well pretend it's still self-imposed. I'm about as popular as broccoli in a grade school. Maybe this is why I'm soooo lonely. I have to be strong. Hanging with myself. Reading, watching way too much Downton Abbey. I am more comfortable with who I am. Or, I should say, who I've become. It's a lie to think I'm the same person. That girl is gone. This one's a lot more jaded & not so trusting. She still eats a lot of cheese, though.