Friday, January 24, 2014

First world problems

  Let me start by saying that I'm very grateful to have a roof over my head. I don't take it for granted. However, I can complain about the constant problems where I live. At any given time, my roommate and I are doing without something. This week it's the kitchen sink. The roommate diagnosis is that the pipes are frozen. I think it's because of all the grease he dumps down the drain. Whatever the cause, it's hanging tough in there with an inch of stinking water that cannot be affected by a plunger. It makes me think back to some of the problems we've had here.
  In the five months I've been here, there's been quite a few. I'm trying to decide on the worst. It's a toss up between not having a light in the bathroom and the front door knob that fell off. Both of these problems lasted for two weeks. Imagine taking a freaking flashlight with you to pee in the night. Not fun. Plus, I missed the bathroom mirror to use to get ready in the morning. When I "put my face on" in my bedroom, I end up looking like a drag queen with no skills. The doorknob being missing meant we had to walk around the house to the back door, which had to be left unlocked. Neither of us have a key. Our only alarm system was the metal grate that you can't avoid loudly walking over to get to the back. I imagine maybe moonshiners in the south have the same alarm system.
  A couple of times, we've been without heat. It seems to go out on the coldest days. The polar vortex then resides directly in my soul as well as my room. My room is possibly the coldest at times. Imagine Harry Potter's cubby hole of a room attached a basement door and the draftiest window in existence. Voila, my room. Yes, I know I could move, but this place is cheap and I'm poor. The landlord does fix things in time. I think he's from eastern Europe. His philosophy, I'm sure, is to grow a set and deal with it for a while. Not being accustomed to luxury, I deal with it. It's not like Paris Hilton being dropped off at a farm. But, these things are still a huge nuisance. So, for now, I'll continue to wash my dishes in the bathroom and dream of a working sink.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Daily horoscope

  Even though I think they're bullshit, I read my horoscope everyday. Maybe I'm looking for a silver lining to what my day may potentially hold in store. Can you imagine one written from a realistic standpoint? I had an awful day, so I did.
  Monday- Don't expect to enjoy this day except for your lunch break when you read Buzzfeed articles. The rest of the day will be spent in a meeting where you'll hate yourself and 1-4 co-workers, feeling stupid and possibly fending off the flu. At night, you'll suffer from insomnia. Enjoy.
  Tuesday-Expect to feel tired from lack of sleep and still sick. Early in the day, you'll think about healthy eating and exercising only to eat meat loaf at night while watching The Good Wife.
  Wednesday-Really? Do you expect anything from this day? Who likes Wednesday? No one, that's who.
  Thursday- At some point today, someone will point out something that you jacked up. You'll feel stupid, Later on, you'll attempt to meet up with your boyfriend, only to misunderstand each other's texts resulting in a fight rather than dinner. He didn't read that vital text about where to meet. Meet him anyway. He's adorable and thrills your heart. You won't regret it.
  Friday- Your last work day. Expect to sit in about an hour's worth of traffic on your way to WV, all the while wondering if your car will make it. Listen to Joe Rogan's podcast and forget your worries. You get to see you kid tonight. That's what it's all about.
  Saturday & Sunday- These may be your days off, but not on your mom's watch. She will make you spend two hours at Wal-Mart, while she gets her groceries. You wouldn't want her taking that senior bus, would you? Expect your child to try to get a toy, complain about how hungry he is and tell you he saw his second grade teacher. Also, expect to see lots of pajamas and camouflage in public.
  This is a more accurate horoscope for me. It's not always like this, but I had a shitty day. If you want something positive, go read the Dalai Llama

Sunday, January 5, 2014

What to expect when you're getting older

  There are a ton of pregnancy books telling you what's in store for you, but nothing telling you about getting older. Granted, it wouldn't be the most uplifting reading. I've discovered many things that younger people can expect in their future. 
  Basically, your body starts falling apart. One day you're eating something and come across something very hard in your food. Is it a rock? No, it's part of your tooth. I have two teeth that have broken apart. It seems to be the norm for my age group. There was an old man in the store the other day whose false teeth came out. "Goddamn teeth" he muttered. That's my future. 
  I've noticed steps hurt my bones. At first, I thought it was just the steps to my apartment. Then, I discovered it is all steps. 
  Remember pulling all-nighters or getting barely enough sleep to function? Yeah, you don't do that past 40. Eight hours is mandatory. You also have to sleep a certain way or you hurt. I sleep like Nosferatu- flat on my back. Any other way and I wake up with awful pain in my neck and shoulders. In your twenties, you usually discover this fact. How did you injure yourself? Oh, I took a nap. If I sleep on my side, I need an ice pack, Aleve and Icy Hot for the rest of the day. 
  When you wake up from this sleep, you'll have to pee. Now. If you wait, you can barely walk. You'll be walking to the bathroom like Groucho Marx. 
  So far, this is all I've noticed. Well, I forgot to mention how I seem to have lost my depth perception. I park like I'm ninety, about two feet away from the curb. 
  I'm sure more things will pop up. Until then, I'm going to savor my youth.