Daily horoscope

  Even though I think they're bullshit, I read my horoscope everyday. Maybe I'm looking for a silver lining to what my day may potentially hold in store. Can you imagine one written from a realistic standpoint? I had an awful day, so I did.
  Monday- Don't expect to enjoy this day except for your lunch break when you read Buzzfeed articles. The rest of the day will be spent in a meeting where you'll hate yourself and 1-4 co-workers, feeling stupid and possibly fending off the flu. At night, you'll suffer from insomnia. Enjoy.
  Tuesday-Expect to feel tired from lack of sleep and still sick. Early in the day, you'll think about healthy eating and exercising only to eat meat loaf at night while watching The Good Wife.
  Wednesday-Really? Do you expect anything from this day? Who likes Wednesday? No one, that's who.
  Thursday- At some point today, someone will point out something that you jacked up. You'll feel stupid, Later on, you'll attempt to meet up with your boyfriend, only to misunderstand each other's texts resulting in a fight rather than dinner. He didn't read that vital text about where to meet. Meet him anyway. He's adorable and thrills your heart. You won't regret it.
  Friday- Your last work day. Expect to sit in about an hour's worth of traffic on your way to WV, all the while wondering if your car will make it. Listen to Joe Rogan's podcast and forget your worries. You get to see you kid tonight. That's what it's all about.
  Saturday & Sunday- These may be your days off, but not on your mom's watch. She will make you spend two hours at Wal-Mart, while she gets her groceries. You wouldn't want her taking that senior bus, would you? Expect your child to try to get a toy, complain about how hungry he is and tell you he saw his second grade teacher. Also, expect to see lots of pajamas and camouflage in public.
  This is a more accurate horoscope for me. It's not always like this, but I had a shitty day. If you want something positive, go read the Dalai Llama