Thursday, July 21, 2016

Bad Moon Rising

  My bad week almost culminated in choking on a piece of cheeseburger as I sang along to Oasis in the car. I suppose my son could've sued McDonald's or one of the Gallagher brothers had this happened. In my mind, it just proved how bad my week has been. 
  Now, it's not the serious kind of bad- there have been no deaths or serious maladies. It's been the stub your toe & it escalates kind of bad. There has been some good. I had one really fantastic date. Ok, that's the only good thing that happened. 
  The bad luck started with a bad second date (different guy from good date-good date was after bad, second date).  Second dates should go well, you'd think. I'll call him "Jimmyjohn". That's what my friend dubbed him because he actually has a name that is two first names together. Decide on a first name, right? I can't really talk, I had a stuffed gorilla when I was little named Harryjackblack. I liked all three names and couldn't decide on one . Anyway, we had a pretty decent first date. This time, we met up for a drink and then dinner. Things probably went south when I asked him if he would ever try eating human flesh. On my behalf, he had mentioned eating cow tongue. Naturally, this is a great segue into my question. Judging by the look on his face, I realized my mistake. I'd had a strong dirty martini, so I then yelled "Oh, c'mon, you know you'd be curious!" Apparently not. The date ended in a very awkward hug. My lips accidentally brushed against his in the release of the hug, so I'm sure he thought I was trying to kiss him. 
  A night or so later, I had my fabulous date. We're not going to speak of it-no jinxes. I woke up the next day happy  until I realized I couldn't find my debit card. My phone case has a card slot where I always keep it. It's been a little loose lately. The little voice in my head kept telling me to put it somewhere else or I'd lose it. That voice also kept telling me to eat large amounts of cheese, so I ignored it about both issues. Little voice was right (about the card, not the cheese). I figure it had to have been lost in the car, in my apartment, or at Sheetz. Not the end of the world. A quick call to the bank. My change purse had some cash in it for the toll road I hit driving to my good date. Then, I somehow lost my change purse. That involved spending my lunch getting money out of the bank. It was fine, I didn't have money to buy lunch. The bank told me they could've immediately issued me a new card had I come there instead of calling the customer service number. Great. I'll keep that in mind for next time. With my luck, there will be a next time. My dumb luck has taught me a lot. Prepare for car trouble- keep water, oil, blankets, etc with you at all times. Prepare for any issues at work by carrying in your purse-tampons,  pads, Excedrin, safety pins, Icy Hot. Prepare for heartbreak at all times- tissues, Florence & the Machine lyrics, wine, dead soul. 
  Money was an issue for the week. Big deal. Go to work and forget about your problems? Nope. Go to work and have an even worse week. I realized  it's a full moon and it's obviously  affecting customers in a very bad way.  
  On a happier note, I found my change purse, got my replacement card, and had a couple of days off. I pray my sanity makes it through the weekend. 

Monday, July 4, 2016

Happy birthday

  Twelve years ago, on July 4th, I thought I was having bladder trouble. I was eight months pregnant. During that last month, I had heard that this occurred. But, my issue was severe enough to warrant a pad to soak up the issue. "This last month is going to be rough" I thought. Little did I know, my water had been broken and was slowly leaking out. I was about to go into labor. 
  I spent the day at work at the bookstore, changing my pee pad regularly. Bob and I went out to dinner after work. Later that night, we stopped at the store to look at cribs. We had a month left to prepare for our little guy. Or so we thought. 
  Around midnight, we got home and I noticed a bit of blood in my urine. I told Bob that we should go to the hospital. 
  "Well, if you think it can't wait until morning", he replied. He was very nonchalant. I was scared. 
  "Yes, we have to go to make sure everything's ok." 
  Bob spent a lot of time with me at the doctor making sure things were ok. Needless to say, they always were. He and my doctor always got a good laugh at my expense. I tended to freak out a lot while pregnant. His hesitance to forgo sleep over this was evident. 
  When I walked into the emergency room, my "bladder issue" was in full force. I had to walk with my legs crossed to keep from soaking myself. We explained my bladder issue to the attendant. 
  "Yeah, you're in labor" he explained in a very bored manner. 
  I laughed.
  "No, that's impossible-we have a month left to go". 
  After being examined and having a second person tell me that labor was imminent, shock set in. We're we having this baby and we weren't ready. Bob and I stared into each other's eyes and burst into tears. Then, the labor pains started. All the pain I've ever felt could not even minutely compare to this pain. I gladly accepted any drugs they offered. I probably would've taken a crack pipe if it would've helped. Ladies, how do we do it? And, men, you have no idea. 
  After that it was the typical long wait. Bob's family traveled from WV. His dad watched my labor spikes on the monitor. I'm a badass with pain-I never show it. So, he was fascinated. 
  "Bob, look at that spike! She must be having a labor pain. Look at her, she's not even reacting!" 
  Finally, my body was ready to push this baby out. I was ready for that epidural. However, my epidural guy went to the wrong room. There were 14 other women delivering that same day. It was a shitshow. After much time and confusion, I got my epidural. Finally, the bliss. I couldn't feel a damn thing. They told me to push. I laughed the whole time because I was so numb & couldn't tell what I was doing. Next thing I knew, a baby was crying. His first action was to pee on the nurse. He's been making his mark on the world since. 
  I feel like this was yesterday. Now, his voice is deeper and he's almost a teenager. My only regret is that his dad isn't here. It was the three of us in the beginning. He's shed a lot of tears the past few nights over his dad. I hold him tight and tell him he's there, watching over him. 
  I've never loved anything as much as I love this boy. He's the best thing I've ever done with my life. This makes this the best day of the year, every year. Yes, I spoil him. But, he deserves it.