Sunday, July 28, 2013

Edward Scissorhands is needed.

  Has your pubic hair ever been so long you couldn't concentrate? This happened to me earlier today. I keep it trimmed down as a personal preference. I've never ladyscaped specifically for men. It's my junk, I'll do what I want with it. I tried to wax once on my own. Pain kept me from finishing even a quarter of the job. I ended up looking like a hamster going through chemotherapy. Razor bumps keep me from shaving, so I generally trim. I know this is all way too much information. 
  Lately, I've been super busy with work and moving to a new place in my free time. This area of my body has been neglected. Plus, my period just ended. Messing with a trim would've been like trying to plant a garden at the beaches of Normandy in WWII. I was trying to read a book and was so distracted by the feel of it. Another factor was probably the shorts I had on. My cousin, who is a diminutive size zero, gave them to me. I'm rocking a size six-eight, so I'm packing it in. Plus, they're very short shorts. All the extra hair compounded with the tightness of the shorts made me lose my mind. Immediate scissor trim was needed. I can't wait to buzz that shit. The problem is having the electic shaver. It's loud. Everyone knows you're shaving your junk. Or maybe they think its a vibrator, which is worse. So, I wait until no one is around. Lately, that's been never. There has been a revolving door of people streaming through the place where I live fixing it up for the new tenants. Meanwhile, my hair is growing like crabgrass after a storm. Now, I'm at my mom's with Viggo. Not going to attempt it here. With my luck, V would burst in the bathroom and I'd have a future of therapy sessions for my child. 
  Interestingly enough, pubic hair was a discussion on one of Joe Rogan's recent podcasts. They mentioned how crabs are almost obsolete. Girls in porn having been shaving their business for years now, which has influenced regular society's perception of hair down there. Without any pubic hair, crabs are a thing of the past. But, then they talked about how, as men, they all like some hair. That made me feel better. I've never gone for the Kojack look. I have more of a Jason Statham pube look. It's nice to know my look is at least well received. 
  I feel much better after my semi-trim. My pants aren't as snug. There's a feeling of well being. Some people might meditate, I just ladyscape. 

Monday, July 22, 2013

How Gia Genevieve taught me to love my curves

  I recently became obsessed with pinup model Gia Genevieve. Before I go on, take a moment and Google her. She is the modern Jayne Mansfield. She started out as a redhead and became a blonde. This woman is 100% sex appeal and I aspire to be like her. I didn't appreciate this oozing sexiness until I watched a video of her on YouTube. Gia is not stick thin. She embodies curvaceousness. And, I realized its her attitude. She just exudes sexiness or built like a brick shithouse, as some might say. There's a confidence to how she walks and talks. Hell, she sits on a chair smoking a cigarette with absolute, I-am-gorgeous confidence. Whereas, some girls, like me, might be very subconscious about any extra weight were carrying.
  I'm going to try my own experiment- I'm going to pretend I'm Gia for a week. If I carry myself in this same manner, will I exude the same sexiness? Well, of course not, but I might eek out a little sexy. One of the things I love the most about her is her love for her boyfriend. I'm obsessed, so I follow her on Instagram. There are many pictures of the two of them. I'm sure you're imagining a suave, Clooney looking guy. Nope. She's with a skinny, tattooed guy with a huge beard. It's adorable. Practically every comment under his posts of them are "Dude, you're so lucky" or "Your woman is smoking". By the way they look at each other, you can tell it's pure love. I think he posted "My everything" under one picture of her and made my heart melt. I can't say that I never go for good-looking guys because that would be a blatant lie. Seriously, look at my current boyfriend. But, I don't give a shit about money or status. That's very evident by almost everyone I've dated. I like that a lot of pin up models have regular boyfriends. It's the height of adorable.
  I must say that my boyfriend is a huge reason why I'm more comfortable with my body, also. He dotes on me and my curves. The parts of my body that I'm most uncomfortable with, he loves. My butt is huge in my mind, but he loves it. My thighs and hips are out of control, but he compliments them all the time. I was so nervous when he first saw me naked, but was immediately surprised by his delight in my curves. His constant compliments have made me feel like a beautiful woman in his presence. I've never had a man be so wonderful to me in that aspect. With the exception of one, the rest of the guys I've dated have never payed me any compliments. After a while, you doubt your self worth. Coming from a childhood of intense criticism from my peers, I need constant reassurance that I'm not hideous. I think those are mental scars that will never heal. So, my gratitude goes out to Gia Genevieve for showing me how to rock that body and Vasily for loving all of the parts of mine that I hate. I think, for some time, I'll hold my head high.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What is wrong with some women

  This title isn't a question. I'm going to tell you what's wrong with some women. It's a certain demographic-middle aged and up housewives. They've never worked a day in their lives and don't get enough attention from their husbands/family. Trust me, you encounter this type of lady in every retail and grocery store out there.The  perfect example happened to me and my boyfriend tonight. We stopped at a Chinese Buffet. As we're waiting to be seated, an older woman comes in for a pick-up order and somehow gets waited on ahead of us. She then proceeds to draw out the interaction for as long as she can. "Well, what's in this won ton soup? My husband can't eat...." Rather than let the woman seat us, she takes us as much of this woman's time as humanly possible. I knew deep down inside that she was delighted. I see this all day everyday. She was getting attention. Attention from the Chinese lady, glaring stares from me; it was her paradise. I do social experiments all the time at work. Try it for yourself if you work in retail. Take today, for example. I was building a table display. At one point, the whole half side of the table was bare, the other half filled with books. Suddenly, there's a small group of  various women milling around this table to the point where I can't work on it. But, I know their game. What they want is for me to get bothered that they're in the way. I know this because they stand at the empty spots. It's weird. But, I'm not new to this dog and pony show. I walk away and do something else entirely. After less than a minute, they disperse. No one is there to give them attention. Sadly, negative attention is mostly what they crave. Like a bad child, who continuously does bad things to get their parents attention, these bitches spend their days trying to mentally smother people everywhere. You see them at the grocery store, pulling out their checkbook to pay for things. Who uses a checkbook? Bitches who need attention, that's who. You seem them at retail stores complaining about everything from the price of an item to the state of the restroom. Most of all, they're just in your way. They walk slow and zig-zaggy ( all the harder for you to get around them). They purposefully stand in front of displays for ridiculous amounts of time. Just look and you'll notice them. Try my social experiments if you work in retail. I've been doing it for years and it never fails. I know I'll never become one of these creatures simply because I have manners. That, and I've worked in retail for many years.

Friday, July 5, 2013

My boy

  I get very sentimental this day every year. It's the most important day of the year for me- Viggo's birthday. I feel like life didn't begin until I had him. People always try to explain the feelings one has for their own child. It's almost indescribable. How do you describe something so pure and strong? It's completely focused and self-less. How can you love something more than anything else in the world? You wouldn't even think it's possible. It is. The old line about being a parent is the hardest thing to do is very true, too. No bullshit. There isn't any guidebook for all the twists and turns that come along. My hardest decision was moving to Pittsburgh. Although I see Viggo as much as I did in WV, I'm still an hour away. I can't just be there at the drop of a hat, so it's an emotional block. It's hard to make a decision where you have to accept that your life will be better, but you'll be farther away. I struggle with it all the time. I just have to remind myself that I would be sitting alone in WV just the same as sitting alone in PA. I still see him on my days off. In an ideal world, his dad and I never would've separated. Alas, it's not an ideal world. He had to learn that way too young. I know sometimes he resents me for the way things are. Someday, I hope he understands. The fact that I don't see him everyday tears away at my soul. We just make the best of it. He has the best dad a kid could ever ask for and that brings me so much comfort.
  The age of eight was difficult. Mom just isn't cool. There was lots of eye rolling and huffing and puffing. I feel nine will be similar. I'm told that they turn around at twenty and become your best friend. Great, only eleven more years. He'll just have to put up with me loving on him constantly and calling him my "baby bear". That'll never change. I'm proud of the boy he has become. He's smart as a whip and the coolest kid around. I love that I introduced him to Doctor Who and now he wears ties and vests. I love that when I look at him, I see both his dad and myself in him. I wish I could give him more of myself and more things in life. All I can do is be this flawed mom who tries her best. I wish I could express to him how deep my love for him is and how different I wish things were. Maybe he'll never understand my perspective or how deeply I love him. That's the perils of being a parent. Parenthood is like stumbling blindfold through a dark room. Maybe that's how it's supposed to feel. I just know that he's the reason I breathe. I know for a fact that he's the reason I make it through everyday. At my darkest moments, he's the only reason I've gone on. I'm so blessed and grateful to have him. He's the brightest start in my universe. What a blessing it is to be his mother. What a beautiful boy.