Tuesday, July 24, 2012

When in doubt, play possum

  I had another horrendous date the other night. He came to my apartment to meet me. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but I'm very low on gas and didn't want to drive to Pittsburgh. It was another case of knowing within five minutes that it wasn't going to wasn't going to work. He was a nerd. Weird laugh, glasses nerdy, nerd. I knew to endure the night, I was going to have to drink. I really didn't get drunk, only pretended to. That's where my fine acting skills came into play. After we watched True Blood, I pretended to be very sleepy, hoping he would get the hint. He didn't. In fact, he tried to put the moves on me big time. He kept talking about staying over. Dear God, no, I thought. In fact, I said prayers like "Sweet little baby Jesus, please get this guy out of here". Finally, I resorted to playing possum. Or drunk possum. I pretended to be so drunk that I fell asleep. For awhile, it didn't work. When I would "wake up", he was still there, staring at me. After a good long, fake snooze, he got the hint. It also took me flat out saying I was going to bed, alone, and under no conditions would "snuggle" with him. Goddamn. I was never so happy to get someone out of my apartment. I'll never make that mistake again. Only meetings in public, easy to escape places. It also proved to me that any man who is eager to make a date has something wrong with him. I'll stick to these dickhead douchebags. At least they're entertaining and attractive. I didn't realize how underrated that was in a man.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Someday cats will eat my face

  I love when my period comes around and self-pity and sadness overwhelm me. It's the old, I'll be alone forever. I'm convinced I'll never find another man and live with cats who will eat my face when I die. I can tell you right now, none of my second dates are going to work out. They suck. I don't want a second date with any of them. I hate the players and the game. They're a bunch of jackasses. This dating site is bullshit, too. I had one guy send me a message. Normal, hey, how are you. We're making small talk. Then, he says something about being in a cheap hotel with his on-again, off-again. Says he's not sure what to call her since it's always changing. Gee, I think I see the problem. SHE'S CALLED A GIRLFRIEND! Maybe you have problems because you're on a DATING WEBSITE. GIRLS DON'T LIKE THAT IN A BOYFRIEND. I mean, I'm not Freud here, but that could cause problems. Jackass. The only guy I enjoy talking to seems to live too far away. Figures.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Will I ever land a 2nd date?

  Recently, I've had three first dates that went well, in my opinion. Men are so hard to judge. I still have contact with all three guys, so I'm assuming this might lead to a second date. The first date was well over a month ago. We talked for hours and walked around. Then, he went to Beirut for vacation.
  The second date was Mars Volta t-shirt if you've read any previous blogs. I'll fully admit our date was a blur but I remember a great time. He is tentatively attending the Doug Benson show with me late this month.
  The third date was with a very handsome man. Runs his own business, lives on the South Side, pulled my chair out for me. Obvious selling points with me, especially that handsome part. We all know I really don't give a shit about money. I don't have and don't expect anyone else to have it either. So, it is odd for me to even be on a date with a guy that's "good on paper". The date went really well, but I drank and vaguely remember sleeping through/watching Shooter with Mark Wahlberg.( He starred in the movie, I didn't actually watch it with Marky Mark).
 I've been trying to judge via text whether or not they're interested. I'm really in the dark here. I'm guessing they are due to the fact that we are in contact. But,then, I responded to the Israeli guy who I didn't want to see again just to spare his feelings. Are these guys as nice as me? No, I doubt it. Guys, on the whole, look out for their own intentions, at least in the dating game. One of them is actually mature, but who knows if that will help. I just want a second freakin' date. Sweet pete, why is this so difficult? Seriously. It makes me get to a weird, mental fork in the road. One way, I give up on dating and save some sanity (and dignity). The other way, I just up the ante and date more guys. I mean, it's like the lottery, you have to play to win. Man, who says these things? Me and 70 year old lottery ticket buyers. Strangely, I'm actually giving less of a shit if I don't get a second date. I think it's more the principle than actually wanting another date. They're cool guys, but, geez, they're not fucking George  Clooney. Not exactly head over heels over anyone I've met. Or, maybe I'm subconsciously keeping myself from feeling anything. That way you don't get hurt. Last time I fell in love, my heart was destroyed and never returned to normal. Is anyone worth that? I guess I just want a second date to see where something could go.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The best day of the year

  It might be weird to post about your child on a blog devoted to dating, but I don't care. If there's one male human being that keeps me going, it's this guy. Honestly, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. He's the only one who gives me the ability to wake up everyday. It's so hard to believe that he's eight. When we first met, I wasn't automatically in love. I was too freaked out. Plus, I had postpartum depression. Who knows if women are even being truthful about loving their babies at first sight. I was more concerned with whether he was normal and hearing the doctor say "I'm going to sew you up now". That's heavy shit. Love isn't on your mind. But, I did come to love him. When he grunted as he ate. When he looked into my eyes. Now, he's his own little person, full of ideas and interests. Maybe I spoil him a lot. Then, we argue at fourth of July fireworks celebrations because he wants me to buy him a lightsaber after I've spent all my money on his birthday. Good times. But, I stop and look at him. His beautiful smile, his absolute craziness (surely inherited from his mother), those gorgeous eyes. I love this boy to the depths of my soul. I suddenly become full of love, gratitude and happiness. That's something no one else on earth has ever or will ever give to me. For that, I'm eternally grateful to him. He has no idea. I may be a jackass when it comes to mothering, but underneath it all is an undying love for this boy. July 5th is always the best day of the year.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Probably two lonely nights away from ChristianMingle.com

Yeah, Christianmingle.com is starting to look good. I might have to have an awkward I-don't-know-if-I-believe-in-God discussion, but would it provide a man? Would he be looking for more than sex? I'm very intrigued. By intrigued, I must mean desperate. This is by no means meant to be disparaging to my faithful friends. I quite admire someone who has faith. I've just lost mine. Sometimes, like Fox Mulder, I really want to believe. Most times, reality just slaps me in the face and I can't. Probably a childhood of having religion shoved down my throat didn't help. In fact, I get quite excited on the regular dating site when someone says they're atheist. We can talk Richard Dawkins without an argument and he will never bring up cavemen riding on dinosaurs with a straight face. I feel like I would sizzle if I walked into a church at this point. And, I'd rather take my naps at home instead of a pew. Basically, I'd be a raging hypocrite if I joined this Christian dating site. 
  There's a super hot guy that comes into our store that we've dubbed "Hot Jesus". Long hair and biblically gorgeous. I declared if Jesus looked like him, the churches would be flooded with broads. I'd be in the front row like a Magic Mike premiere, declaring "Amen!". Alas, he's just a regular man with a girlfriend. I encountered a really hot Satanist recently, too. Don't think I could get on board with that, though. There should be a dating website called I'mnotsure.com. Until then, I'll just stick with what I have. Maybe something will pan out. Currently, I have two potential second dates in the works (what?!) and one potential first date. It's like rolling dice. I should also take up gambling. Combine all my vices. New date is with a lacrosse coach/actor who is very good-looking. Still hoping for a second with either Mars Volta/R.Pat lookalike or Joe #2. We're not even going to talk about the whole Patrick clusterfuck. Moving on.