Tuesday, July 24, 2012

When in doubt, play possum

  I had another horrendous date the other night. He came to my apartment to meet me. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but I'm very low on gas and didn't want to drive to Pittsburgh. It was another case of knowing within five minutes that it wasn't going to wasn't going to work. He was a nerd. Weird laugh, glasses nerdy, nerd. I knew to endure the night, I was going to have to drink. I really didn't get drunk, only pretended to. That's where my fine acting skills came into play. After we watched True Blood, I pretended to be very sleepy, hoping he would get the hint. He didn't. In fact, he tried to put the moves on me big time. He kept talking about staying over. Dear God, no, I thought. In fact, I said prayers like "Sweet little baby Jesus, please get this guy out of here". Finally, I resorted to playing possum. Or drunk possum. I pretended to be so drunk that I fell asleep. For awhile, it didn't work. When I would "wake up", he was still there, staring at me. After a good long, fake snooze, he got the hint. It also took me flat out saying I was going to bed, alone, and under no conditions would "snuggle" with him. Goddamn. I was never so happy to get someone out of my apartment. I'll never make that mistake again. Only meetings in public, easy to escape places. It also proved to me that any man who is eager to make a date has something wrong with him. I'll stick to these dickhead douchebags. At least they're entertaining and attractive. I didn't realize how underrated that was in a man.