Thursday, January 3, 2013

Period in Pittsburgh

  I'm sure that 99% of women dread their period. I think the only aspect of it that we do like is the indicator that we're not pregnant. If you're a man reading this, you should just stop now. You're neither going to understand nor sympathize. Plus, it's about to get graphic. My periods are particularly brutal due to having fibroids. If you don't know what they are, they're  benign tumors that grow in your uterus. They cause excessive bleeding and can be quite troublesome. I've had two surgeries. The last one didn't help at all. I blame the incompetent doctor in WV. Anyway, "excessive bleeding" is putting it mildly. I say it's like Vietnam in my pants. I usually find myself at the drugstore buying pads and tampons. For the first two days, I have to wear both and usually still get drenched in blood. It looks like I murdered someone with a straight razor when I change my products out. Tonight, I was wearing both and yet still bled out through my underwear, Spanx and tights. And, these fibroids that come out are the size of a fetus. It's so gross. Sometimes I stare into what's come out of me in pure astonishment. It's like the chestburster in Alien except it's in my toilet.
  In addition to the physical element, I also have the emotional. Usually, one will dominate each period. Honestly, I prefer the physical ones. I knew my period was coming this week when I heard Josh Groban at work and got tears in my eyes. I hate the melancholy feelings and the self-pity.
  Every girl has a nickname for their period- Aunt Flo, that time, monthly visitor, red devil, the rag, etc. I think mine should be called Guadalcanal or Black Hawk Down. I'm dreading work tomorrow. I'm already nervous being the newbie and not knowing lots of things. Now, add changing a pad and tampon every hour with a fragile disposition. Isn't this why Carrie annihilated her school at the prom? The only thing I'm looking forward to is my second date. I had a first date tonight. We met at a bar and got along really well. We're going to meet tomorrow for a second. I've given up on M. He's moving and too emotionally distant. He'll soon be distant literally and physically. I almost shut down my dating profile altogether when this date happened. So, we'll see. Luckily, he had no idea I was bleeding profusely all through our date. Not exactly a turn on. I'm in the bathtub now. It looks like I slit my wrists in here. One would think I would shower, but I hate my back getting wet and I think of dragons. Don't ask. It doesn't make any sense. I'm still amazed at how well this date went. He even mentioned being a monogamous person. I think my head spun around like Linda Blair's in The Exorcist when I heard that.  I didn't think men like that existed. He, also, hasn't sent any penis pics. Chalk up two points for this guy. According to the dating site, we're 96% enemies. We're both baffled by this because we got along so well. Very interested in how this second one goes. Let's hope I'm not batshit crazy due to hormones.