Monday, January 7, 2013

I think it's time to hang up the dating hat

  I thought moving to Pittsburgh would give me more options dating-wise. Obviously, I was wrong. The dating gods are telling me to give it up. I've had two (well, technically three) dates this week. I had two with a guy named Ken. No pseudonym, I'm too tired for that. The first one went really well. We met for a drink and talked for a long while. The second date- meh. We had dinner. Honestly, I just wasn't into him. He gave me a kiss at the end of the date and I just gave him dead lips. He hasn't texted since. I think he got the hint. The past two days, I've been texting with this guy I met online. We have so much in common and he's so charismatic and funny. So, of course, when I actually met him, I wasn't attracted to him one bit. If only, because we get along so well. I guess I have to have a good-looking jerk to be happy and in love. He went in for a kiss, too, and I actually recoiled. So, I give up. Really. I do. If a guy is even remotely interested in being monogamous, it's because he can't find anyone else. All the attractive guys just want sex. It's just such an emotional let down. I really, really wish I hadn't had my year long relationship with He Who Shall Not Be Named. It spoiled me in many ways. Number one, just thinking that I can find another relationship. Number two, with an attractive guy who I have things in common with. It was an anomaly. Why can't I accept that? I need to accept that I can either have a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to at all, or sex with people I am attracted to and it leads to nothing else. These are my options. Or get thee to a nunnery. That last one is starting to look spectacular. To make things worse, I came back from the date listening to a podcast where three men were discussing polyamory. One guy was explaining his polyamorous lifestyle. The others would chime in about hating being in a relationship or cheating on their girls. Not the words I needed to hear at that moment. I've lost all faith in dating. I need something to restore my faith. Like when you lose your faith in humanity. Maybe you dealt with shitty people all day and are convinced the world is evil and then you see a woman buy a random stranger's coffee for them because they didn't have enough money. (True story, happened to me Saturday). After tonight, I need a man to buy me a coffee, so to speak. I seriously think I might take down my profile and just give it a rest. My expectations are never going to be met. Not while I'm looking this hard. True love finds you when you least expect it, from what I've experienced. I, however, think true love is as dead as Elvis. (Meaning, 90% of me thinks he's dead, the other 10% is convinced he's living on the second floor in Graceland that they won't let you see on the tour). Geez, this was a rant. No paragraphs or anything. I just don't know why I don't give up. I continue to have this stupid hope. Even now, I think, but I might turn the corner and meet my soul mate. I think I need hit on the head. Why am I such a hopeless romantic who wants it all? Yeah, you'll find that handsome man who wants a relationship. Sure, keep telling yourself that. Jackass.