Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm blogging way too much

  My anxiety is through the roof. I think Alzheimer's is also, because I just forgot how to spell "roof". Geez, I have way too much on my mind. I'm freaking out about this move. It doesn't help that it's coinciding with my period. I have visions of myself sitting alone in this new apartment surrounded by boxes and weeping uncontrollably. At least, I'll have my own bathroom. That's what I keep telling myself. When I have anxiety shit, I can be relieved by the fact that no one will come into the room after me.
  I'm excited about starting the new job. Very excited. It's such a nice store. I think I'll love it. I can't think about leaving my old job. I'll cry, I'm sure. I've made some really good friends there. I'll still stop in and see everyone, but it won't be the same not seeing them everyday.
  Let's hope I make new friends. Maybe stick a man in there somewhere. Not sure what's going on with M. I hate liking someone because then you're in the "wonder zone". I wonder if he likes me. I wonder if we'll continue seeing each other. I wonder, blah, blah, blah. You pretty much wonder until they flat out tell you what they're thinking. I don't even know what I'm thinking, so it's just as well. Anyway, I'm too focused on this move. It consumes my every thought. I'm not quite sure when or how I'm getting all my possessions there. See, this is where having a boyfriend comes in handy. Uh, I'm screwed.
  I'm in such a better place than I was last year, so I'm not going to complain too much. This year was vividly painful. Last December was an awful mess that no one should have to experience. On the bright side, I didn't have breast cancer. That was terrifying and I didn't share that with anyone. I have nightmares about it now and then. And, going through it with a cheating boyfriend as your support system is not the way to do it. I don't think I'll ever go for another mammogram. I've had around five and I can't do it again. I bury it all, but it comes to the surface every once in a while. I'll just send it back to the murky depths with some cement shoes.
  I'm off to start a new chapter of my life and couldn't be more excited. A lot of my dreams are coming true. There are a lot more to be fulfilled.