In the past few weeks, I've become rather reclusive. I don't want to go out and when I do, I'm kind of vagrant like. I leave off the makeup and wear my Gary Oldman glasses. I just want to stay home, read, watch tv and pin things on Pinterest. The only person I want to see is Viggo. Most of the time, I don't even want texts. I feel like telling everyone to fuck off. Who knows what's going on with me?This is quite possibly what a human bear entering hibernation must be like. Not a good thing. The other night, a friend wanted me to go out with her and a former co-worker. I enjoyed their company immensely. However, I didn't enjoy the bar atmosphere in Wheeling at all. In fact, I came home and cried. People were rude and I felt out of place like I was in high school again. I love my friend to death, but sometimes she's a little too blunt and hurts my feelings. We're at the bar while my other friend pays her tab. She sees a guy at the bar and says, "There's that Scottish guy you hit on once.". Thanks, I need reminded of being drunk and flirty and getting turned down. If I need to feel bad and be reminded of my faults, I'll just call my mom. As we're leaving the bar, some guys yells out "Hey, Peggy Sue" in reference to the pin-up look I was donning. I hate Wheeling. I never want to go out around here again. It's just not for me. I also got mistaken for someone's mother by a very drunken boy. That made me want to die on the spot. My already withering self-esteem has been vanquished. The only people who have made me feel good lately are my friend, Brandi & my recent date, who I'll call, M. Brandi is always there with a supportive shoulder. She tells me nice things & threatens to demolish the souls of those who hurt me. My guardian from afar.
I have great, stimulating conversations with M. He feeds my need to talk philosophy & life. Plus, he just makes me feel good. I was showing him pictures of the model Mosh, who I am currently obsessed with. Raving about her beauty, he interrupted saying, "You're very, very beautiful". I melted. Whether he was sincere or not, it didn't matter. I needed to hear it. Having never been one for stark reality or blatant truth, I'll take the compliment. I feel down and out of place. I'm hoping it's just the onset of winter coming.