Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Be careful when you say "sir"

  In the early stages of getting to know someone, you're always feeling each other out. These days, it's mostly via text. We all know that texts can be misconstrued. I have found this out a few times. I like to  say "sir" jokingly like Peppermint Patty's friend. However, I've found that once you say that to a man, he can respond as if you're initiating some S&M thing. All of a sudden, you're getting called "slave" and getting weird responses. I'm not down with that. I never really understood that scene. I like some aspects of it, of course. I'm not a total prude. But, the idea of putting on a collar and losing my identity to be called "slave" is not happening. I remember discovering some things in an ex's drawer when we were first dating. I snuck a peak in a bedroom drawer. It was the first time in my life that I'd ever been high. Hanging tough in that drawer was a riding crop, butt plug and a  ball gag. Panicked, I immediately texted my friend, Amy. We surmised that I wasn't sure of what I saw. I mean, I was on a different planet at that moment. But, I didn't know him that well and I was afraid I was going to be made into a gimp like in Pulp Fiction or get some Ving Rhames attention. The decision was to go back downstairs and nonchalantly act like I didn't see anything. It worked. I got distracted thinking his cat was reading my mind. Later in the relationship, the riding crop was introduced. That was fine. Everyone likes spanking. But, the butt plug and ball gag? No. I don't see the purpose. Who wants to not be able to speak and have droll running down their face? And a butt plug. The only purpose I can see for that is if you have uncontrollable gas. Sexually, I don't want to know. Jesus, that's territory I don't want to explore like North Korea.
  The other night, I jokingly said "sir" in a conversation and it got weird. There was talk of "Master" all of a sudden. I couldn't figure out if he was referring to sadism or satanism. It got a little weird. Then, I realized he was just quoting Master Of Puppets by Metallica. Metallica I can do. If you worship a dark lord or have chains and ball gags, I'm out. I like experimentation, but I do draw a line, especially at being submissive. Maybe I'm too feisty for that. I like a man taking control, but I'm not licking any dog dishes for you. Ew, this is getting way too 50 Shades of Grey for me.