Metrosexuals

  I think I'm officially confused by metrosexuals. I blame living in Wheeling, WV. I'm used to being around beer drinking, gun-toting gruff men. I can't recognize a normal metrosexual. I've been on dates with three of them to mistakenly think they were gay. Gay and not realizing it or gay and not wanting to admit it. I realize I'm, in fact, wrong about my assessments. Seeing a well-dressed, thin man with a not so deep voice has thrown me off. I called gay when they were only metrosexual. No wonder they kept looking at my breasts all night. They were straight! They kept texting me after our dates. BECAUSE THEY WERE INTERESTED! I'm a true dunce when it comes to men, I swear. But, of course, since they're well-adjusted men without hang ups and possible mental problems, I do not seem attracted. I think I'm turning a new leaf though. I'm starting to change. Maybe it's all the Doctor Who I've been watching. He fits the profile. Maybe I should give the metrosexuals a chance. I think I should pull a George Costanza and do the opposite of what I feel for a day and see where it gets me. It seemed to work for him. They seem to be interested in actually talking to me. It's refreshing for a change. I'd like to think there's some merit in talking to me. Like I said, I love having someone be attracted to me. I'm always amazed when anyone finds me attractive. But, when it's only that, it's empty. I think I have so much more to offer. The other day, I found myself just wanting to sit on a porch somewhere, drinking a pumpkin beer and talking to a man. Just talk. How great would that be? I feel like the molecules have changed. Change is happening. I can find what I want.