Amelie, Emma and Erin

  One of my favorite movies is Amelie. Perfect from start to finish. Basically, a very sweet, French girl who tries to make everyone's life better but has no idea what to do with her own. Sound familiar? Yes, it's also the plot to Emma and my existence. My mom said when I was a baby I went around taking care of other kids. To say I have a big heart is an understatement. I'm always super-concerned with everyone's happiness to a ridiculous extent. I've been told I give really good love advice. Funny, because just like Amelie and Emma, I don't know what the shit I'm doing in my own love life. Why this is, I'll never know. It's like trying to analyze your own dreams. Friends always come to me with relationship advice and tell me I'm dead on with my assessments. Maybe I should be a relationship therapist. That's until I get on Dr. Drew or something and they question me about my own HOT MESS life. I'm pretty sure that they weren't hung up on a guy that cheated on them, either. I really need to shut it and move on. This is beyond stupid. I'm so sick of thinking about him, I can only imagine how everyone else feels when I bring him up.
  I've had friends offer to fix me up. Usually though, when that happens, the person is not attractive. It's always "Oh, he's so nice. You'll love him". Translation- he's not cute. Listen, we're all pretty shallow. Admit it. We like shiny, pretty things. I'm not saying I can't be attracted to someone not pretty. I've had relationships before based on things other than physical appearance. But, I'm like that fat guy that lives in his mom's basement. I'm going to ask the hot girl out in case it works. It's like the lottery. Shit, I might get a hit. Honestly, I think I'm to the point of accepting a set up date from someone. I obviously cannot make good decisions for myself. I need a love guru. A wrangler. Anyone want to be my Amelie? That's like asking if anyone wants to clean up the BP oil spill. I need Kevin Costner.