Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My not so real boyfriends

When you join an online dating site, you juggle a roster of men. Currently, I have a list.
I'm talking to two Matts. One is infuriating & stood me up last Friday. The other is so sweet & we have a date tomorrow.
Daily, I talk to Nathanael in NC. I'm convinced we're soul mates. He's handsome & calls me "darlin".
There are a couple of very young guys who text me. One is super hot. Super hot. Is it wrong to sleep with a 21 year old? (like I've never done that).
I've made 2 good friends via the website-Bennie & Anthony. We talk daily. Good guys.
KoolAidDave wants to have sex with me. Don't see that happening. So dies Ghost Bicycle. Now, he is Irish/Jewish, so that might. However, he sends me daily pics of his penis. We all know how I feel about that.
Match.com is a big failure. The only hits I got were a man from Turkey that seemed to think he was going to bed me. No. There was a handsome guy that talked about making a date & then flaked.
There's my gay date who texts me a lot & calls me beautiful.
Last, but not least, there's a super nice guy I met at work. He's a single dad & the nicest guy you'll ever meet. He wants to take me out, but I'm not sure. Of course, I'm only attracted to someone if they're a complete dick. Hence my ongoing saga with Matt #1.
Maybe Matt #2 will work out better. Dating sucks. Why am I still so attracted to Matt #1. Oh, because he made out with me & then flaked. Irresistible to my psyche. He was a good kisser, though. And physically my type. Dammit. Dick. I should just go on an international sleeping tour & not "date" at all. Besides, it's been a long time. Fuck you, Patrick. You fucking asshole. Just had to get that out there. What a fucking dick. My one wish in life is for his girlfriend to cheat on him. Through a cancer scare. Please, sweet baby Jesus, make this happen. I'm horrible, I know. So, shut it. I kicked two deaf people out of my store the other day with no bad feelings at all. Patrick killed my soul. It is what it is. It's why I hope he gets mouth raped by a big black man on a daily basis. Then, I wish eye herpes on him when the guy finishes on his face. Yes, the depths of my hate are bottomless.