Sunday, November 18, 2012

Get a grip, you're not Jeanne Dixon

  I was rudely awakened the other morning, very early, by a text from my friend. I had spent a fun night with M. and was trying to sleep in, snuggled next to him. Plus, I had three martinis the night before and had a bit of a hangover. Sleep? No, not for me. I have to wake up to insanity. My friend had a dream that I was cheating with her boyfriend. I don't even know where to begin with this. Oh, I know, I find her boyfriend repulsive. Also, I'm not an asshole who would cheat on her friend with her boyfriend. Or the fact that I was with someone else at the time. Or the fact that she's not psychic. I think every single woman has done this- had a dream and has woken up mad at the people in the dream. It's insane, but we've all done it. I understand that. You're unjustly mad for a few minutes and then you come back to reality. You don't text the people in the dream and ask them if it's true. I found it insulting on so many levels. I personally hate her boyfriend. He's annoying and not the least bit attractive to me. Having been cheated on, I would never do that to someone. And, for the love of Pete, I was trying to enjoy some time with a HANDSOME man of my own. Jesus. How do men put up with the insane thoughts of women? Thinking a dream is true? That's batshit. I had a dream Kenny Rogers died the night before, you don't see me writing a eulogy for him. Dreams are your subconscious working things out. Perhaps, you have issues. Analyze your dreams, don't start accusing the people in the dream of doing whatever it is from the dream. Jesus, this isn't Gossip Girl or Melrose Place. Many women I know love drama, too. It fuels their days. Can you leave me out of it? There are a lot of women who don't love drama and we sadly are surrounded by those who do. Put your drama in a sack and let me sleep in. Explaining this insane scenario to a level-headed man was even crazier. I felt embarrassed being involved in this stupidity. He found it amusing. My throbbing head, did not. I guess my integrity accounts for nothing. Yes, you are the next Sylvia Browne and you're completely right. I understand that she's had a friend cheat on her with a boyfriend. You can't apply this to all your friends. The goofiest part was I felt I had to prove and justify that I didn't do it. Sadly, I'm still sore about it. Maybe because I'm on my period. If you piss me off now, I may want your head on a platter. That's my womanly insanity. I don't think I'm Jeanne Dixon, however, predicting events of the future. I'm firmly grounded in reality and know my dreams aren't true. Ladies, the next time you have a rattling dream, please take some time and break down the feasibility of it before you pick up that phone. For the sake of the men in your life, your sane female friends and the better of humanity.