Friday, September 5, 2014

September, you suck.

  I feel bad complaining about things, because, overall, I have it pretty good. Lots of people have it a lot worse. So, I sometimes tell myself to shut it. But, a few things are bothering me.
  For one, I'm so poor right now. After putting over $400 into my shit car, I can't seem to get caught up. I just got paid today and I literally have less than $60 left. I desperately needed new shoes. If you've ever seen me walk, you know that I walk pigeon toed. It's gross and severely wears out the inside of my shoes, then making my feet hurt like crazy. It's also exacerbating the newly forming varicose veins on my legs. Sexy, I know. I had to get these shoes. Also needed was a frying pan and food to feed my child properly. Thankfully, he loves Ramen noodles, but, good gravy, one can't eat that everyday. Now, I'm bone broke.
  The worst problem occurring lately is the absence of pooping. I know it's t.m.i, but it's true. It's been two weeks. TWO WEEKS. Normally, it's like clockwork. I've never had a problem. For unknown reasons, it's left me like a deadbeat dad out to get some milk. I had to make a wish the other day and, swear to God, I wished to poop. Some might suggest to get medicine. Oh, I did that. You know what happens? The goddamn opposite. It was like I was peeing out of my butt. There has been no in between. Who wants to go to a doctor about this?  "Oh, what are you here for?" "I haven't pooped." Yeah, that's not embarrassing at all.
  Almost as absent is my sex life. I literally have a hard time remembering the last time. It's beyond ridiculous. My boyfriend has returned to school, which keeps him busy.  Before this, we saw each other, maybe once a week. Now, that's out of the question. I'm not really understanding it. Sure, he's busy, but, really? I think I've seen him twice since we've moved. I might as well be in a long distance relationship. Any guys in Alaska need a girlfriend? I honestly don't know why I bother.
  Driving home tonight, I missed hitting a guy on a bike by inches. He was coming down a hill at top speed and rode directly in front of me. Luckily, I'm on point while driving and missed him. He flipped a curb and crashed in the grass, unscathed. I was so relieved he was alright. We both laughed it off, but I came home and fixed a stiff drink. I'm not pooping, I feel like I have a fever everyday, there's no boyfriend, I'm being questioned about Transformers every five seconds and my head hurts. I'm a little cranky. But, I have cable and internet. It's lessening the pain. In the meantime, I will continue to be a raving, irrational maniac.