Viggo is going back to WV for the week to stay with family. He misses everyone and it'll be good for him, but I'm dreading it. The past two months with him have made me so happy. Living on my own has been so lonely. Sometimes I would look at his picture and cry, missing him so much. The thought that ran through my head everyday was - a mother should never be without her child. However, circumstances made that so. Being single and supporting yourself doesn't always afford everything you want, including having your child with you all the time. Luckily, moving to Pittsburgh and getting a better job has made things much better. When Bob died, I was able to find an affordable sitter for V and still be able to support us.
I can't begin to describe how in love with this child I am. When I wake up and see him next to me, my heart soars with delight. Yeah, I creep. I watch him sleep. He looks like an angel. We talk all day about superheroes. We watch our favorite show, Mysteries At The Museum, together. Most of all, we laugh. Frankly, we both need to laugh as much as possible considering what we've been through. Of course, there are tears. He misses his dad. When he cries, I tell him "I know, Buddy" and try to reassure him that I'm doing my best to care for him. We're like two survivors, clinging to a lifeboat.
Everyday, he tells me I'm the best mom ever. He is my light and my world. Five days without him will be an eternity. But, he needs it. He needs to play and forget all the pain of not having his father. I'm sure I'll cry everyday, but it's worth it for him to be happy. Shit, I'm crying now just thinking of it. I never knew I could love anyone this much, until I had him. That's something that should be in the baby preparation books- you're going to love something more that you ever thought possible. Mothers tell you that, but you never comprehend until you're in their place. In my heart, I always knew I'd become a mother someday. It's the most blessed thing ever bestowed to me.