Friday, April 18, 2014


  Bob, it's day five, as Viggo would say. That's how he refers to the days you've been gone. I have so many things I want to say to you. I can't believe you're gone. Sunday, you were fine. You looked handsome and healthy as ever.  
  How do I take care of this boy? He's devastated. He keeps asking "Why did he have to leave, I'm only nine?" What do I say to that? Why did you leave? Why? Out of the two of us, it should've been me, dammit. He worships you. You were so close. You were the best father. The best. The only comraderie I've ever seen like that was with Bill and Billy. He says you made him laugh all the time. He asks "Who is going to make me laugh now?" Bob, what do I do? How can I possibly comfort him? And, your family is the same. Missy and Cheri have been the strongest. They are the ones making sure all the plans get made. Dawn is making a cd for you of all the songs you loved. You don't want to see Nikki cry. It's the worst. She lost her big brother and she's lost without you. Your mom is strong but breaks down and it's so hard to see. Why should a mother lose her son? Everyone goes to Cheri's. There's lots of stories about you and laughter. It's weird to see Ed and Matt and not see you. Jason came and you're not there to see him. Everyone is so lost. I feel like I've lost you twice. I put it aside, though. I made you a promise at the hospital. You were laying on this table not looking like yourself at all. I touched your hair and whispered that I promise to take care of Viggo. I will. Somehow. He wants to finish reading your Lone Survivor book. He kept asking about your car. I found out its because he wants to drive it when he's older. He understands but he doesn't, you know. I don't think any of us understand this bullshit. You were 41. You didn't even make it to your birthday. 
  People want to pray with me. I want to scream in their faces. How can there be a God? Why would anything let this happen?  
  I told V that everyday will be rough for awhile. That only time will ease the pain at all. You were his everything.