Saturday, February 15, 2014

OMG, I just exercised

  I just experienced ten minutes of cursing, pain and sweat. Yes, I finally exercised. Big deal, you say? Imagine someone with the willpower and motivation of Homer Simpson. I don't have any angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other; I have a devil and a fatter, lazier devil on the other. "Stay under the electric blanket watching Ancient Aliens" one says. "Eat something and then take a nap" says the other. There's motivation in my head, but it occurs when I'm at work. I get inspired to eat something healthy and exercise when I get home. The problem is that I'm on my feet for eight hours. After I get home, I'm emotionally and physically spent. You know how Mr. Rogers would change into his sweater and shoes when he came in the door? I throw on sweatpants and a thermal shirt the same way. That shit is on in less than a minute. If I could motivate myself to exercise like I motivate myself to get ready to relax, then I'd get somewhere. How can I harness this misspent energy? One answer-disgust with myself. I'm not talking about my laziness. I'm talking about my flab. This winter, I've definitely gained weight. Sad, but true.  I was wrestling with Viggo the other day and he pointed at my protruding stomach being held back with spanx and asked "What's that?" It must have looked like the walls of a dam before the water bursts through. Finally, tonight, I couldn't take looking down at that belly pouch. Lady, get a grip, I thought. Granted, I only did ten minutes of pilates, but in my world, it's like running a marathon. For now, I'll take baby steps. Maybe, or if, warmer weather arrives, I'll be able to take some walks. I have to do something. I feel like Brando when he was in Apocalypse Now. They had to change the fight scene with Martin Sheen because he was so out of shape. He should have looked at himself and said "Fuck, Marlon, get it together. " I'm going to try now before I'm past the point of no return.