Monday, June 15, 2015

Birthday

  My birthday is coming up later this month and I'm dreading it. Pretty much after the age of twenty one, the thrill is gone. It becomes just a glaring reminder of your imminent aging and failed accomplishments. At least, it does for me. It's also one of the few times a year I really feel lonely. Most of the time, I'm ok. I like being alone and doing my own thing. But, the birthday is like a punch in the gut. If you have that significant other, then you have someone to make a big deal over you that day. Someone to give you a little present or to give you a cake. If not, it's a depressing day. I always seem to find myself very single around now, New Year's and Valentine's Day. The trifecta of loneliness to single people. The rest of the year, we're pretty good on our own. Right now, I have the enthusiasm of a grave digger. 
  I'm trying to push past it, but, I'm suffering from a cold. Basically, I've been a total maniac. Very grumpy. The other day, I walked into our cafe at work with my co-worker who goes to the gym with me. Another co-worker started discussing with her how great she looks since starting the gym. Meanwhile, the sick fatty was desperately waiting for her coffee. I was on the verge of yelling "OK, she looks great, the gym obviously hasn't had ANY effect on me, now can I get my coffee?!!!" Like I said, grumpy. Normally, I'd be chiming right in, agreeing. That day, I was like, fuck this shit. If I have this goddamned cold on my birthday, I'm going to put my fist through the wall. I keep trying to tell myself to think positive, but then, that grump kills positive Erin in a violent way-bare-handed with glee. If my mood had a noise, it would be that anguished roar the T-Rex makes in Jurassic Park as the sign falls down around it. Ugh, I have to get out of this funk. Sweet baby Jesus take the wheel.