Friday, August 14, 2015

Porky's 5

  I've been going to the gym more frequently. Something has to give here. I'm also eating a lot better. So far, I've lost two pounds and I've noticed some gradual shaping up. In hopes of some good advice, I checked out Joe Man..., shit, I can never remember his last name. Alcide from True Blood's book. He's making a ton of mean workout faces in his pictures. The workout advice is actually very motivating. So motivating that I put his picture on my phone screen saver. My boyfriend said it's because he's hot. I said that's beside the point. I found the meanest face picture. It says to me "Get up and go work out, lazy!"
  I walked into the women's locker room yesterday and it was like I walked into an eighties teen movie. I could smell a cocktail of perfume, shampoo, and hairspray. Standing in front of the big mirrors was a young lady, clad only in underwear, her hair wrapped in a towel. I've never seen anything like this in the locker room. I've seen women in various states of undress, but never this teen movie-ish. I felt like I was in a scene from Porky's. I swear she was dancing, but that might have been my imagination. Her confidence was striking. She didn't give two shits who was there. I quickly washed my pale hands, her tanned body bopping in the background. It was a fascinating scene.
  Otherwise, my gym is pretty regular. There are a lot of older people. In fact, I remember seeing a little old lady on the treadmill, purse on her arm. It was adorable. The weirdest was a girl wearing jeans on the treadmill. It seemed counterproductive. I imagine she's thinking something like "They'll rip these jeans off my cold, dead body." She was committed to those jeans. I finally got real workout clothing. Before that, I wore what I think were pajama pants and an old man t-shirt. All black, of course, like a gothic refugee.