Thursday, April 25, 2013

Am I the Mila Kunis of OKCupid?

  I've noticed on the dating sight, a couple of guys repeatedly visit my profile several times a day. I think, odd, it doesn't change. Why are they..... Wait, are the doing something to my pictures? I mean, it's possible. Guys will jerk off to anything. I bet even Mrs. Butterworth has fueled a few minutes of ecstasy. These boys are young, around 26. They probably have Mrs. Robinson fantasies going on. I take that back-Stifler's mother from American Pie fantasies. No way that generation knows The Graduate.
  It's just odd because I've never inspired that in a man, that I know of. They're normally fantasizing about other women while with me. Or, doing other women. Guys thinking of me while they jerk is hilarious. Those must be some good, deceiving pics because in real life, it's a shit show. Take yesterday, for example. I was counting money at work, picked up a stack of ones and proceeded to drop them, fan style like I was a geisha. Dollar bills went everywhere. While moving the other day, I got my bookcase down my five flights of Downton Abbey servants quarters only to have it crumple like a cracker when putting it into my car. My normal roommate witnessed the whole thing. Even me screaming "really?!" at it. So, yeah, not fantasy material.
  I was once told, as an insult, that I was a "wanna be bombshell". Uh, duh. Who doesn't want to be one? Maybe I go a bit further than most gals. I do own pasties (made by Go-Go Amy).  I like who I am. No, I'm not a "bombshell" as much as I try. I don't have a great body. It's all smoke and mirrors, or I should say, Spanx and a great Victoria's Secret bra. You get to this age and it is what it is. Better get comfortable and accept who you've become. The other day, I read an article with actor Idris Elba. He said sometimes he hates looking in the mirror. If that beautiful man feels that way, then, I'm in great company. We all cringe in the morning at our reflection. But, when someone looks at you and truly tells you that you're beautiful, it's a beautiful thing in itself. Maybe we should all tell ourselves that in the mirror. There, I ended that all heart-warming like a Farrelly brothers movie.